This is an obligatory year wrap-up post, because all good bloggers do it, right? I do not really allow myself to be ruled by superstitions, but there is one Japanese tradition that I really believe in, and that is the osoji on New Year’s Eve. The premise is that you do a deep clean of your house, pay any overdue bills, and fulfill any obligations so that you have a “free and clean” start in the new year. While I will still end up owing money for my knee surgery, I am attempting to ready my house to receive new, positive vibes for 2012.
2011 ended up being a tumultuous year for me. I lost my means to exercise and my livelihood and had my life threatened. I prefer to think of each year of my life as a building block for the next, but it is hard to label this one as a positive learning experience for my character development. I am proud of who I am as a person, though not necessarily proud of my body or health (which I was trying to rectify). It has been the hardest year for me to deal with external elements. My future is up in the air, and while I wish I could be punching the shit out of a heavy bag to relieve myself of my frustration, I am unable to do so due to my injury. I have fallen into repeated cycles of self-pity and attempts to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I’ve attempted to find what truly makes me happy, makes me lose myself, and what I want to do with my life. While I have not found all the answers, I have found resolve.
Therefore, I am doing osoji cleaning of my mind. I will no longer allow myself to feel like my situation is due to my incompetence as a person. I am a strong person who prepared for the worse and is now facing it. But I will not allow it to beat me. I will enter the new year only moving forward with my progress. 2011 will be the best building block for 2012, and I will know that I had to fall only to learn how to get back up.
So, while I hate making New Year’s Resolutions, I will list all the things I want to find resolve for, to better my life.
- I resolve to find what makes me happy in my career. I really think that working on video game user interfaces would make me the most excited and creative. So I will find the ways to break into the video game industry, whether that means moving to someplace new or pouring myself into online tutorials.
- I will find the resolve to continue my sanda training. I think it’s already there, because I owe it to myself after this injury, but just in case I need to find some, it’s on this list. I will fight in July at the tournament. That was my goal in 2011, and I’m not letting this ACL tear get in the way of that.
- I resolve to work on my taiji and hsing-yi even more, especially since there’s a possibility I might be certificated in the TIMA curriculum. I need to feel worthy of that certification to help me grow.
- I will find the resolve to be a better house-keeper, which includes grooming the pets more often, keeping the house clean, and making sure that anger stays at the door before it enters my home (I need Dresden to put up some wards for me).
- And I resolve to love my body. It’s the only one I have, and the one that’s allowing me to do #2 and #3. I will not call myself ugly names that remind me of high school. I will change it to what I want to be, but I will love it every step of the way. We have fought so many battles together that I owe it this respect.
(P.S. I plan to resolve to blog every Friday morning. I tried to do that in December, so let’s see if we can keep this up! That’s what she said.)
As an ending note, the best thing about 2011 was the people in my life. I met many great, great new friends in the con scene (especially D*C, which was arguably the most fun time in my life). I grew closer with other friends. But there were people who really came through for me, and I could never live without. So, Brian, Diego, Joe, Patrick, Carolyn, Mom, and Dad, thank you so much for all you gave to me this year. I literally could not be alive without you. I am able to keep these resolves in my life and live my life the way I want to because I have such an amazing support system.
To all other readers out there, I will always support you. I want nothing but the best for you as we continue our relationship and propel into the new year.
So, say good-bye to 2011. Bring on 2012 – the Year of the Kickassin’!